Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
I admit to being a fan of Duck Dynasty although I would be hard pressed to give a rational reason why. I guess it is the fact that I grew up in similar country (swamps) and enjoyed hunting (especially ducks although I was never especially successful at it – one needed $$ to hunt where there were lots of ducks and $$ I did not have).
So, GQ (of all magazines) interviews the Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, a retired fundamentalist preacher as well as a duck call inventor. And they, along with the A&E cable network pretend to be surprised that he answered most of the questions exactly as one would expect from a fundamentalist preacher. Imagine that.
I don’t happen to agree with Phil about anything concerning religion or tolerance of my fellow man – but – that is not the point of their TV program. Sure, they work a prayer into every episode, usually at the dining table, but I somehow manage to ignore that just like I ignore the myriad times I am subjected to public prayer in my everyday life (part of the price of living in the rural South).
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On a more serious note, in those 2 days between the surgery and my release from hospital, I was amazed how well I had gotten off. The doctor predicted weeks of miserable pain and here I was up and walking the day after. Needless to say, I could hardly wait to get home. Well……. it seems I had reckoned far too little on this innocuous little button that I was allowed to press (as needed) every 10 minutes or so. It was, in fact, a magic button. Each time I clicked it (and heard the answering “dong”, a dose of pure morphine was being injected into my system. Oh truly happy days!!!!
Now that I am home and dependent on nothing stronger than percoset (itself a schedule II narcotic), I clearly understand the doctor’s prediction.
Leading me to ask — why? If something that simple and that cheap can take a large chunk of the misery out of my life (or that of another), what business should government have in my decision to use it? Yes, after a few weeks of usage, I would be somewhat addicted. All this means is a few more weeks of tapering me off the stuff.
My fondest Christmas wish for those who rule me is that they could feel 1//2 of what I needlessly feel right this moment.
I also wish the rest of you peace and joy. Thanks to all of you for thinking of me and shame on those who think this nothing less than I deserve.
I have had to rebuild my hard-drive (after an accumulation of errors). That alone not being sufficient challenge, I decided to upgrade to Windows 8.1. In spite of all this, I am now up and (sort of) running again.
The bad news is that, despite backing up 3 times each week, I seem to have lost most of my personal data, including email history, address book, all documents created with Open Office, and much more. However, there is still a slight chance some of it may be recoverable by using St. J9′s system (which is still W-7).
So much for pain in the ass and on to pain in the back.
My surgeon is back to work after the holidays (and after the tragic loss of an infant son) and my surgery is now scheduled for December 2. If all goes as planned, I will be out of pocket for about 3 days – then home again with little to do but read and blog.
So much for me. Obviously, I have contributed almost nothing to this blog in recent weeks. This is because there is little new to say. Mostly I am watching things long predicted come to fruition and hoping the worst I have predicted might still NOT come to be. Having said that, about all I see left before a formal declaration of the dictatorship is the institution of martial law and the coming collapse of the national healthcare system may well serve as the catalyst.
Failing that, the recent “deals” with Iran that virtually assure they will obtain nukes should soon do the trick. Then there is the slight possibility that the treason surrounding the Benghazi debacle could come to light, prompting serious calls for impeachment. Or, perhaps no reason whatever is needed?
In closing, I hear that the Obamanation wants to “re-brand” his signature health-care destruction plan. I propose the new name of “ObamaCrap”.
Have a nice Thanksgiving!
Some time ago, in this blog, I opined that one way to tell that tyrants are becoming secure in their position is that they cease trying to cover up their lies and their misdeeds.
It that not exactly the situation in these United States today?
Today, we are seeing evidence of activities on the part of out-of-control government that, in past days, would have caused people to take to the streets in anger and disgust. Yet, various members of the regime, whether before legislative committees, before what passes for “the press” and in other public venues, give responses to legitimate questions that range from blatant lies to wise-guy responses that are the verbal equivalent of raising the middle finger in the questioner’s face. And there is virtually no meaningful response. Especially from we-the-sheeple.
Consider the testimony of then IRS Commissioner Douglas Shulman when asked why he had been cleared to visit the White House 157 times. His response, to a committee of Congress, was that he was taking his kids to the Easter Egg Roll. (Translation – up yours!)
Then we have IRS official Lois Lerner who comes before this same committee, makes a speech proclaiming her innocence of any and all wrongdoing, then invokes her 5th amendment right against self incrimination rather than answer any questions from the committee. (Translation – up yours!)
And, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, angrily responding what difference does it make when asked about the persistent lie that the Benghazi attack, which killed 4 Americans including our Ambassador to Libya, was incited by a YouTube video rather than having been a well planned terrorist attack. (Translation – up yours!)
Meanwhile, the both the Obamanation and his Attorney general lie with impunity to virtually every question then are asked – and are pretty much allowed to get by with it. (Translation – up yours!)
Read the rest of this entry »
From FOX News:
Paula Broadwell apologizes for Petraeus affair
The biographer whose extramarital affair with then-CIA director David Petraeus triggered his resignation says she regrets the relationship.
What is with all this apologizing? The Obamanation has apologized to almost everyone on Earth for America’s very existence. A steady stream of celebrities are constantly apologizing for DUI and abusive behavior (which most then go on to repeat over and over). Criminals apologize for heinous crimes as if that will make some difference to their victims. And so on until I could vomit.
Certainly there is a time and place for a sincere apology for certain acts. For instance, Petraeus and Broadwell may well owe some form of apology to their families or to others who were directly affected by whatever they did. However, whatever intimate relations they may have had with each other were not my business, did not involve me and, in a sane world, did not affect me one way or the other. So, how can I possibly be due an apology from either of them? I just don’t get it.
As for the celebrities, most of what they apologize for were criminal acts that would result in serious punishment if done by you or me. And, in most cases the obvious insincerity of the apologies make them more like insults.
Whether your average criminal’s apologies make any difference to the victims and their families, I simply do not know. I have no doubt that most of them are genuinely sorry but I suspect this sorrow is more from getting caught that from whatever illegal act they were caught at.
Then there is that repeated Obamanation world apology tour. Yes, we use a large percentage of the world’s energy resources. Yes, in the past we lived better than much of the world. We have also expended endless blood and treasure fighting on behalf of others and are almost always first on the scene with assistance when tragedy strikes other nations. We are what we are and most of us are proud of it. If the Obamanation is not, he should move to one of those third world crap pots he seems so enamored of. Or at least quit insulting the people who have bestowed the highest position in the world upon him (for reasons that escape me).
I feel so much better having said all this. If, in the process of venting, I have managed to offend any of you, rest assured that I offer you no apology whatever.
Troy L Robinson
One sunny day in January 2013, an old man wearing what was once very nice clothing, but now worn and ragged, approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.” The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here.” The old man said, “Okay”, and walked away. Read the rest of this entry »
AF General: “Sir, we have succeeded in creating a cloaking device for Air Force One.”
Obama: “No way!”
AF General: “That’s right, Sir. It will now be invisible.”
Obama: “This I have to see.”
AF General: “Certainly, Sir. Would you like to come along on its maiden flight?”
Obama: “I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
AF General: “Have a good trip, Sir.”
This poor kid is sure getting mixed messages in this modern PC world:
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where I am now…
I shared this with my brother-in-law by e-mail. He reports that my sister said it reminded her of me when I was a kid. However did she manage to come up with that association? ◄Dave►
I was just ruminating over how March 9th has always been a special day in my life for the past 38 years. It is the anniversary of the very last time I ever wore a necktie, on 3/9/73. It is an easy date to remember for me, as it was the last day that I worked for someone else and became an entrepreneur.
Perhaps it was my redneck roots; but I always detested neckties. I reckoned they were about the silliest article of apparel ever foisted on civilized man. My last couple of years as an electronic engineer required to wear one on the job, were particularly frustrating. I was working for the System Development Corporation, a small subsidiary of the Rand (Think Tank) Corporation in a building without air-conditioning in Silicon Valley.
It drove me nuts that men were so discriminated against by management. No matter how muggy it got in the summer, we had to keep our ties on. Yet, so-called “hot pants” and tube tops were in vogue for women at the time, so the ladies could come to work in little more than beach wear. I didn’t mind the eye candy; but our relative comfort levels seemed terribly unfair. I usually worked late on my projects; but at 5:00 PM my tie came off. I simply refused to wear one on my own time, and I was fairly vocal about my disgust over them.
When I resigned to start my first business, they had a going-away luncheon for me. After the boss stood to thank me for all my great work and wish me well in my future, it was my turn to speak. I stood and as I delivered my farewell address, I slowly started undoing my tie and unbuttoning my shirt. I timed it so that I ended with pulling off the tie and asking who wanted it, because I would not have the slightest use for it in my future.
I tossed it to a friend and have never put one on since. Yes, I have been turned away at the occasional pub or restaurant in places like Boston, MA; Nairobi, Kenya; and Salisbury, Rhodesia; but I survived their snooty rejection nicely, thank you. On the other hand, I have been spared attendance at numerous funerals, weddings, and other black tie affairs I had no desire to participate in anyway.
Interestingly, when I moved to Hawaii in ’84, I found a whole culture that agreed with me. Anyone wearing a necktie in Honolulu is immediately suspect. They are either a lawyer, politician, or salesman from the Mainland. Even the bankers wear aloha shirts there, and it was my kind of place. I had great fun with the traveling salesmen who called on me in my Marine Electronics business. I wouldn’t allow them in my office unless they first removed their tie. It was surprising how many of them thought I must be kidding, and how much it put them off their game when I insisted.
So, I have been a contumacious curmudgeon for a very long time; but life can be fun when one gets to live by one’s own rules. ◄Dave►
A brilliant bit! How pathetic that only one of these pinheads even recognized the word. Lord Keynes would not be amused… ◄Dave►
My apologies for not being active here lately; but I have been rather busy with a new hobby.
I do want to give all my old friends a heads up regarding a new scam being perpetrated on unsuspecting old men. Women are often warned about protecting themselves at the mall and in parking lots, etc.; but now men need to be vigilant too while shopping at places with large parking lots like Costco, Home Depot, Lowe’s, or even Walmart.
This insidious new scam works like this:
Two good looking college aged girls will approach while you are loading your purchases in your truck. They start cleaning your windshield, while their breasts are almost falling out of skimpy T-shirts. If you thank them and offer a tip, they decline; but ask for a ride to McDonald’s. If you agree they will climb in your vehicle and on the way there, they start undressing. Then one of them starts climbing all over you while the other one steals your wallet.
It is remarkable how many girls are working this scam and naive old men are the targets of choice. Raised in more innocent times, their mothers only taught their sisters how to say, “No!” to unsolicited advances from the opposite sex. Also, it seems old men rarely report the crimes and apparently can be so “forgetful” they will even fall for it again. Indeed, I had my wallet stolen on Aug,11th, 15th, 19th, twice on the 21st, 25th, 28th, twice on the 29th, and again on the 31st. So far this month they have stolen my wallet on the 3rd, twice on the 5th, the 8th, 10th, 12th, and probably again tomorrow or Wednesday.
It is just awful these days the way heartless kids try to take advantage of us senile senior citizens. What’s more, you never get a chance to actually eat at McDonald’s and I have lost 12 pounds just running back and forth between Home Depot, Costco, Walmart, etc. Please advise all the old men you know to be on the lookout for these scam artists, and hide their driver’s license and debit card in their socks while shopping. Walmart has wallets on sale for $2.99 and sometimes the Dollar Store has them for only $.99. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 P.M.) ◄Dave►