I just knew I was going to like exploring the Iowa Hawk blog; but I had no idea how much. Here is some of the most brilliant satire I have ever had the pleasure of reading and laughing out loud over. I have gotten pissed at several of the supposed elite conservative commentators who have spoken out against Sarah Palin, and even cringe when McCain frequently says we have nothing to fear from Obama. Even Peggy Noonan, once my unrequited love, alienated me with a catty column; but I just figured she was jealous over my new heartthrob.
You must read, “As a Conservative, I Must Say I Do Like the Cut of this Obama Fellow’s Jib,” so I’ll try to limit my quotes to just enough to entice you to do so. To give you a taste of his style, and where it is going, it begins:
When my late father T. Coddington Van Voorhees VI founded the iconoclastic conservative journal National Topsider in 1948, he famously declared that “Now is the time for all good conservative helmsmen to hoist the mizzen, pour the cocktails, and steer this damned schooner hard starboard.” In the 60 years since he first uttered it after one-too-many Cosmopolitans at one of Pamela Harriman’s notorious foreign policy black tie balls, father’s pithy bon mot has served as a rallying cry for conservatives from Greenwich to Chevy Chase. Today, I say it’s time we conservatives once again grab the rigging, and set sail with the flotilla of the true conservative in this race: Barack Obama.
Trust me, I haven’t taken this tack lightly. No Van Voorhees has supported an avowed socialist since great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpapa Cragmont Van Voorhees lent Peter Minuet $24 and a sack of wampum to swing a subprime mortgage on Manhattan Island. Old dad himself often recounted how, as a lad, he would command the family chauffeur Carleton to drive the Duesenberg down to the Times Square Trans-Lux so he could hiss Roosevelt. But I’ve taken a good measure of this Obama fellow, and I must say I like the cut of the man’s jib.
Go read it before I spoil the effect. My favorite part comes early:
Even Peggy Noonan — the Grand Dame of Gipperism — has succumbed to Obama’s undeniable conservative charms. Just last month I listened to her wax poetic about the Adonis of Chicago between chukkers at the Newport Club polo tournament final. “Why Peggy, you old dowager,” I quipped, “I believe you just had an orgasm.”
🙂 Writing just doesn’t get any better than that, but he tries:
It’s an inescapable conclusion that this woman has, in 6 short weeks, single-handedly destroyed the Republican party. Certainly George Bush may share some of the blame; but we conservatives must remember how our hopes were buoyed by his impressive bloodlines and Yale degree before we realized his excursion to Texas had caused him to “go native.” But la Palin offers true conservatives no such extenuating graces. I mean, my God, this woman is simply awful; the elided vowels, the beauty pageantry, the guns, the crude non-Episcopal protestantism, the embarrassing porchload of children with horrifying hillbilly names, the white after Labor Day.
The idea of this dreadful woman in Washington is almost too much to
contemplate. Not only would it be a fashion disaster, one can scarcely
imagine the White House social calendar — mooseburger fetes to that
ghastly Joe the Plumber, perhaps followed by snow machine derbies
through the Rose Garden?
Brilliant stuff. Enjoy. 🙂 ◄Dave►